i was walking home from a party
i was walking home and a man with a gun came at me
he had a gun
and i said, before i knew he had a gun, i said, i'm sorry: i don't speak swedish.
and he said, oh. (i was crying, because of the reason for which i usually cry when i am drunk, which is, no one will ever love me the way i want to be loved)
and he pointed at the corner of his eye, and he said, i'm sorry.
and he said, i lied to my family.
and then i said, i'm sorry i don't understand.
then i pressed the code on the door. and i said, i'm sorry?
and then i opened the door. and he put his hand on the door. and then i was afraid. i said, no.
he had his fingers on my side of the door. he had his fingers in a place which meant i would not be able to close the door.
i said, no.
then i looked. i had adrenaline in my blood. i looked, and while i was thinking, this is not happening, this is not real, i recognized the gun. the gun was in his other hand. no, no, no, no. i peeled his fngers from the door, i said: no. i saw the gun. i have never seen a real and true gun before. i have never seen a gun that was not in a movie. i said, NO. and while i was saying that, i was peeling his fingers away from the door, and i pulled the door into myself, so that it was closed. i closed it as hard and as fast as i could, because i had seen a gun.
then i ran. as i was screaming NO, i was running, and i pulled all three doors open and then as closed as I could.
and when i was in the apartment I closed the door silently and locked it silently.
i waited a minute.
i listened.
then i took off my jacket.
then i let tears fall on my face.
then i tip toed to my room.
i pulled the blinds closed.