in the dream,
you left a message on my machine:
you said my name
and paused before laughing
the laugh meant: you stupid fuck. you poor, stupid fuck.
so i knocked some of my own teeth out
and drew on my face with paint
and put on jewelry
and braided my hair with ribbons and feathers, and danced under the moon
an ancient ceremony i made up for this occasion.
and i tried not to think about running into you
your face and the way my hands trembled
did you know that they trembled?

my father called this morning
sister's going in for neurological tests
to investigate her bouts of shakiness.
i said, father!
and i paused before laughing.
the laugh meant: you stupid fuck. you poor, stupid fuck.
delerium tremens,
the technical term.